2 years later...

2 years later, and everything has changed. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago or even at the beginning of this year. I’m finally at a place where that change is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I truly couldn’t be happier with who I am. Last year is another story for another time, if I ever feel the need to get into it. But, for now, we’re sticking with this year.

But first, where have I been, and why has it been 2 years since a blog post? Unfortunately, my domain expired, and it was too expensive for me to renew at that time. I lost motivation to write and felt I had nothing to share, so I stopped. Life got busy for me, and I did miss writing greatly, but I’m glad for the break and life experience I’ve been given. Also, that same year in the late summer, my father had a stroke. Life turned upside down for me overnight. Everything from that time is a blur, and most people already know the story. Praise the Lord, he is doing so much better and is a walking/living miracle. So, back to this year, what’s been so different, you might be asking. Well, everything. I know I’m only 23, but I feel like I’ve lived at least 3 different lives just in the past few years. I also don’t have the sharpest of memories, so I unfortunately do not retain detail very well, lol. Something about me is that for a little over a year now, I have been consistently seeing a Christian counselor. She has truly helped change and transform my life. Without her help, I would not be where I am today, and I thank God that He led me to her and just the continual growth with my heavenly father. With two unexpected deaths in the family at the beginning of this year, I truly did not have high hopes for what this year would look like. I then lost my job at the beginning of June, and to this day, I am still looking for one. But God. Through all of this, there He was. He provided for me day after day, month after month. I never went without lack. I am truly blessed. During this time of unemployment, it has truly been the best time of my life. A lot of days, I take it for granted, but I try not to. I’ve gotten to go horse riding quite a few times, sleep in, figure out a workout regimen that I enjoy, spend time with my dog, hang out with friends and family, read, just rest or do nothing, and most importantly, dive in so deep with learning and knowing about the Lord. This season and chapter of my life, there’s just truly not enough words to describe it because the feeling and inner transformation can only be felt and expressed with emotion such as gratitude and love. 

Some lows of this year:

I don’t want to sit in the lows for too long, but not everything has been rainbows and sunshine on my end for this entire year. I mean, I lost my job, took at least 2 months to get unemployment figured out, dad ended up in rehab for 2 weeks due to falling, then again a 5-day stay in the hospital due to lung fluid buildup (he’s doing a lot better now, back to normal), restless days of sitting in the unknown, not being able to find a job or where God wanted me, felt bored most days, lost motivation a lot but kept pressing into the Lord, was feeling stuck most of the time, trying to constantly fix or better myself which led to burnout and frustration. But with lows, I’ve had some amazingly great highs.

Some highlights of this year:

Got to go to my favorite band's concert as a late birthday gift for myself, went on a mini summer vacation Up North with my best friend, took many trips to the lake to lie out on the water with my floaty, did Gilmore Girls weekend trips with my mom, self taught pilates at my local gym every day, read informational books, took a small trip to a boba/tea shop to write a letter to my future self, hosted/planned a luncheon for my local law enforcement, went to a lavender highland cow festival, took a full month off of social media (thinking about doing it again to be honest), went for drives, nannyed my nephews, took my dog for trail walks, listened to so many podcasts while I played a game on my computer, had days where I did absolutely nothing, moments where I abided in the Lord, studied the Bible, journaled so much my hand would get sore, had tea before bed a lot, cut my hair short, sat in the unknown, went to see new movies that came out, made my own shirt designs, I mean the list could go on and on with the smallest of things but truly it’s just because I am so grateful and blessed that God gave me this chapter. Sure, for a couple of months, I was wrestling and fighting against it, like hardcore was not a fan, but now a big part of me wishes I could go back and soak it in even more. He is such a good and loving father. Every season, every chapter, every moment is intentional and for a reason. Whatever may be happening, even if it’s not good, especially if it’s not good, God will use it for good. He has a plan and a reason behind every little detail. One of the verses that I was prompted to sit with for a while was Pslams 46:10: “He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” All we need to do sometimes is simply be still and know/soak in that He is God. Be still. Just be. He has everything under control, and truly, thank goodness He does.

I’m not sure where this new post will take me. Part of me wants to get back into blogging, and perhaps the Lord will give me things to write about and share, which I will gladly do. But for now, I felt the need to post an update for no reason other than to just do it and look back on where I’ve been to where I am now. Great things lie ahead, and I can’t wait to see where the Lord continues to take me and how He continues to transform me for His will. If you have any prayer requests or want to tell me an update about your life and what the Lord has been doing, please leave a comment! Apologies for my absence, but I hope this post finds you well. In your own life, I hope and pray you, too, are growing in many ways. Peace and blessings.

~Purposefully, 

Pepper <3

From my trip Up North to Bellaire, MI. :)